Perhaps, though I think myself so patient, there is an impatience that can be read in my face, a tension. I am, after all, almost always tense (especially around people), and so do I have a calm expression, one that can calm other people while I disagree with them? Do I have a kind face? Do I feel kind? I have to look at myself, for I may not be what I seem. It’s my wife’s birthday. Last night she seemed quite relaxed and nice, and it was difficult to remember that I am mad at her. But I am, and although I don’t want to hold a grudge, I do still want to remember that I am mad, even if I don’t feel mad anymore. The reason I am mad has not gone away. I want her to reflect upon what she does because she will do it again. She will go there again. I can’t just pretend she won’t and love her the way I would if she never did. There is some distance between us, and I don’t think it befits us to pretend that every thing is hunky dorey (whatever that means). Because these things must be ultimately addressed, and they don’t get addressed by pretending they aren’t there. But I have to look at myself too. I get mad, and I get mad even before I get mad. I expect it, and although I exhibit patience, in that I keep my mouth shut through much of my anger, the way one book I read an excerpt from for free on Amazon said we should, that’s not to say it doesn’t show on my face. What should show on my face? Forgiveness. Kindness. Sadness, maybe even? Hope for her? I should always be looking for her to do well. I should hope and pray for her to do well, to do what I would like to see her do, and what I would like to master myself. And then, when she does it, I can notice it and praise it (and even copy it). It may take time to change her. We will have to have some more temper tantrums. But it can be done. But that does not mean that I should have done more for her this birthday. Suggesting (by doing) that I am unaffected by how she acts is a lie. Anyone who says that nothing can change their love for a person is a liar. He / She may be lying to his / her self, but it’s still a lie. Praise is a much better gift than anything material anyway. Material things just foster a sense of entitlement. They are not the things that really make us happy. So this is my gift to her. I took the time to practice Yoga and to write on her birthday. Hopefully I can have that serene kind and loving look on my face (that these things produce) when I see her. Just remember, Roy, look for her to do what you want her to do. Look for her to be kind and patient with the kids, not so rule oriented, forgiving. Look for her to notice the little joys they have in what distracts them from what they should be doing. I’m not saying let kids get away with anything, just appreciate their joy, and protect it. Those are the kinds of parents I really want us to be. So is this really how you change a person? People are weird, man. They want to change, they want to be a certain way, but when they are pushed they act against their interests. My daughter may want to get her homework done, but she won’t because she doesn’t want to please her mother who yelled at her to do it. My wife may want to find a better way that doesn’t distance her frorm our daughter (and me) and that actually gets her what she wants, but she won’t because I told her to. So what I really need to do to “change” someone is to get out of their way, and to let them know that I appreciate them when they do good things. I want to change you
So I get out of your way
And let your heart pass Haiku IT JUST CAME TO ME! | 
